@''~LiFe'S A bLiSs~''@

tired

2009-02-12T12:32:00.000+08:00

i am tired...

i walk and work as slow as a tortoise...

my body is aching

annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd..........

i need a massage...

badly....

A number to remember..

2009-01-13T18:08:00.001+08:00

13.. An unlucky number to some.. Divine to others.. No matter how u look at it, there will still be reasons to why it's memorable.. Whenever the page on the calendar meets the 13th, we will start walking down memory lane to reminisce the past.. Memories..

He's supposed to turn 29 today.. I can still remember vividly on how he would savour his cakes.. No matter how small it is.. And no matter how plain it is.. He lived every moment of his breath wif purpose.. I wish i could emulate him.. But alas, i'm juz dreaming.. He's the epitome of patience.. And a good son.. I wish i had bought him more gifts.. But i couldn't afford it most of the time.. And he doesn't mind.. Simplicity is him.. It hurts to see & to noe tat he wasn't around during the wedding.. How i wish i could have gotten tat brotherly handshake & a warm hug.. It's been nearly 5 years since he left.. But i still haven't gotten over it.. The moments.. The heart wrenching news.. Deeply etched in my heart.. It will be my fren.. As well as my foe.. HE noes wats best.. Even though we humans have the tendency to live in denial.. I had to accept it.. The bday gift tat i have for him now.. Prayers.. U will always be my beloved bro..

It's been 4 mths.. Lots of things have happened without her around.. And somehow, we all struggled.. Time will tell.. It was a big challenge.. More to a mental one.. Having to carry on wif the wedding preparations without the pillar of strength around was a big test.. Walking wounded.. And for us not being able to kiss her hand to ask for her blessings on the dias is heart wrenching.. But the one taking the bigger blow is definitely Atie.. Tat's her beloved ibu.. She cried while watching Jeritan Sepi.. Cos it reminded her of ibu.. I wish i could soften the pain.. I could juz console her.. She was closest to ibu.. And therefore i sympathize wif her.. Only time will tell.. The scars won't forget the wounds..

It's been a month since we have officially been certified husband & wife.. Lots of new things to uphold.. As a husband.. And as a wife.. We r certainly basking in our new roles.. May HE prolong this marriage wif lots of love and colour till the end of our lives.. Amin..

Tat's number 13 for us.. A number wif stories & memories.. Wat's urs?

To Hermi & Ibu.. Semoga Allah s.w.t mencucuri rahmat ke atas roh mereka.. Amin..

-Haf-

3rd December

2008-12-03T20:24:00.000+08:00

03.12.2008

I chose to meet my RO for my work review. Done and I am officially OFF DUTY(self declared).

Went for a funeral. A colleague's father passed away. It was my first time attending a Hindu funeral. Learnt a couple of new things.

Umie fetched me from Potong Pasir. We planned to chill out in town and finalise the wedding itinerary. We headed off to Buona Vista first cos Umie wanted to send something to Henry.

So we ate at coffee bean. walked over to starbucks just to find a working power point and wireless network. we managed to finalise my wedding itinerary. thank you umie!

umie: atie, wanna go my house?

atie: Finished renovating?

umie: 95% done!

atie: eh i want to see your walk-in wardrobe.

umie: ok ok, we'll go my house later.

Reached Umie's house....

Umie: See my house...

Atie: Nice la umie...

Umie: See my toilet. nice right?

Atie: ya, very nice..so this is your walk-in wardrobe...

Umie: Atie, faster faster see my room...

and.......

SURPRISE!!!!!

There they were in umie's room - henry, anita, fifi, hadri, amad, ira

I was really stunned that I didn't say anything at all. I didn't know what to say. They sang me the birthday song. made a wish and blew out the candle. they gave me my present and i cut the cake.

ok ok this is the best and the most touching part. after cutting the cake, i heard someone knocking. everyone kept quiet and i heard the sound of a guitar outside the room. Then i heard mamal's voice and i knew straightaway that someone else was out there with him.

True enough...I broke down when i heard Haf's voice. He sang "Aku ada karena kau ada". I didn't know what else to do but cry. As promised, we couldn't see each other. so he was outside the room while i was inside...separated by a piece of cloth and not forgetting mamal in between. he held out his hand just to wish me happy birthday. gave me the flowers and a present.

he got me this....

the gang sat down, ate the cake and some had their dinner including him. All the while, we didn't see each other. We could only hear each other's voice.

Thanks umie for spending half the day with me...Thanks everyone for planning this small yet meaningful surprise party for me. Thanks for the presents and well wishes. Thanks for everything.....

For you...Hafiz...
Thank you for everything...like what you've said just now...10 more days...and yes...I can't wait to see you cos i miss you like crazy...

Aku Ada Karena Kau Ada - Radja

weddings

2008-11-23T03:49:00.000+08:00

I've been attending weddings lately. Whenever I'm at a wedding, i feel very sad.

I dunno how to go through mine.

I wish my mum was here....

aku marah!!

2008-11-21T07:48:00.000+08:00

kadang-kadang aku pelik la...kenapa orang-orang ni tak tau nak cakap baik-baik? apa salahnya kalau cakap baik-baik...susah sangat ke nak cakap baik-baik? aku baru, aku tau. sekurang-kurangnya aku tak biadab. kau orang lama tapi kesian, kau tak ada adab.

kau nak hentak2 benda tu semua buat ape? aku berbual baik2 dgn kau, kau buang muka. Takpe.

aku malas nak layan orang yang sombong dan biadab.

so i rest my case...

if only....

2008-11-07T10:09:00.000+08:00

things would be easier...

things would be planned for...

making decisions would be faster...

jobs would be delegated...

a few words said and all done...

everything would be flawless...

if only ... .... ....

cold and blanket

2008-10-29T06:03:00.000+08:00

it was about 6 plus in the morning. i was feeling cold because of the full blast fan. i was closing my eyes and i felt as if someone put a blanket over my legs and automatically i pulled the blanket over my body. for a while, i felt warm.

i woke up only to find out it was a dream. but it felt real. very real.

i felt very sad cos only one person would do that. no one else. whenever you woke up for subuh and when you knew i was feeling cold, you would grab the blanket on the bed and put over me..

i really miss you...

after more than 40 days....

2008-10-27T04:47:00.000+08:00

sis and i cleared the pile of clothes at the corner of your room...mainly your clothes, your baju kurung, some worn only once and most or should i say all in very good condition. the whole wardrobe is full of your clothes. nope, it's overloaded. as i arranged all the clothes, i really feel the void that you have left. so many memories in the house. too many memories and i can break down anywhere and anytime in the house.

yesterday, we had some prayers for you at home. dad has been leading in the prayers. and yesterday while reciting the doa for you, he broke down. it's painful...

some of your siblings said that they always think of you and they still feel as if you're still around...

yesterday too, grandma told me and sis that among all her children(foster), you're the only one who has never been rude to her. you're the only one who talked to her nicely. and i guess she really misses you a lot.

during the night, mummy asked dad about the wedding preparation. so we discussed. what we need, what to cook and everything. i wish you were here. to decide on things.

sis has gotten herself a maid, to help her out and help ayah too. that day she asked,"kak yati mau kawin hati senang ya kak yati." i kept quiet for a while. but told her this," mula-mula, hati saya senang, sekarang ibu sudah tak ada, saya sedih. and she said,"iya kak yati, tapi restunya banyak kan kak yati?"

and i guess so...when you were in hospital, i still remember vividly what you told us. "hafiz, jgn balik lambat2 nanti maknya risau. jgn bawak moto laju2. ati, kalau naik moto jgn tido." you said the exact same thing to hafiz's mum when his mum visited you in the hospital.

i have finally collected my baju nikah. when i brought it home, i didn't know who to show it to. i really wish you were here.

i miss you, ibu.

first time

2008-10-01T18:44:00.000+08:00

first times....

first time with a husband, first time with a child, first time in a new home, first time with a fiance/fiancee and so on...

therefore they look forward to this very special day...

and as for me, this is my first time too....celebrating hari raya w/o mum...

tears rolled down my cheek when i heard the takbir...tears rolled down when i was cleaning the house and this morning when dad and bro went for their prayers, i broke down...the house is so empty without her,,,i went to her room and looked at her bed...it hurts...

when dad came back from prayers, he asked me to help him with the cooking.... all the cooking were usually done by mum...i miss her cooking...

haf's mum called...when i heard her voice, i cried...

i cried so much today...

she used to sit beside dad when we asked for forgiveness....and today...that seat was empty...dad cried...

today, i wore the baju kurung she sewed for me....the final one...and as for the other 2 that i sent for tailoring, i will keep it for next year...

things are not the same anymore....i feel incomplete without you...i miss you...so much...

10 days after your passing...

2008-09-23T11:47:00.000+08:00

I still feel that you're around... I have the tendency to go into the room and look at your bed. You used to lie on the bed watching tv. It hurts to see the empty bed. That day i happened to find the new comforter sheet that you bought from ikea. I saw the frames that you bought. it hurts to see those things.

Last sunday, we went to visit your grave. When i saw your name on the nisan, I still couldn't believe that it was really you. I went there twice that day. once with the family and once with haf. i made a heart shape with white orchids and the 9 red flowers in the middle symbolise ayah, your three beloved children, your son-in-law, your two future children-in-law and your two nieces. InsyaAllah, i will take care of your grave like how i took care of you and not forgetting the doa after every solat. InsyaAllah, one day, i will take ayah and teach him how to get there by bus. in case at any point of time he misses you, he can make his journey there on his own.

10 days have passed and i've dreamt of you twice. last night, i dreamt that you hugged me to sleep. it was nice and it felt real.

i miss you and i miss you so much...

Dearest Ibu...

2008-09-15T04:05:00.000+08:00

You were the most beautiful woman I've ever known. A soft spoken and gentle woman yet very firm. Due to the character you had, you were well respected by everyone. You were a hardworking woman, holding a few jobs at a time. You managed your time very well, juggling work and being a housewife. You did a great job as a mother to the three of us and a really great job as a wife to your husband. There were no complains from us. You cooked very well...you knew what each one of your children likes...You knew your eldest daughter picks and choose what she eats, you knew your only son is not picky about food and you knew your youngest daughter (the most pampered one) doesn't really like to eat. You knew each one of us at the back of your fingertips. You treated us fairly.

You taught your daughters how to be a good housewife. You taught us about everything...

You were a great daughter too. You took care of your parents. You took care of your late father. You took a long time to get over his demise because you didn't get to bring him to perform his pilgrimage(all paid for by your hard earned money) that year. It was your wish. You cried after every solat, recited the yassin every day for him. It was all ok after about a year....and that's a very long time. But you managed to bring your mum the year after. Alhamdullillah...

You always wanted the best for everyone...even for your grandchildren, son-in-law and future children-in-law.

That's not all...there were so much about you that if written down...i could actually write a book.

In 2005, you were diagnosed with cancer. Your health deteriorated. You lost a lot of weight. You gave up your job because you didn't have the energy to work.

You fought the battle well...You wanted to be well so that you could work again...You were in and out of the hospital..You hated the hospital and doctors but as the time passed, you seemed to overcome your fears of needles, doctors, hospitals, operations, etc. The reason was only to get well and be normal again. You were very positive and you didn't stop fighting cos you told yourself not to. In fact, you kept on fighting till your last breath...I could see it...

I want you to know that you were never a burden to us. We took care of you and i hope we did a great job in taking care of you. I hope you were contented with all the care given to you. I wish i could do more or maybe i could have taken care of you better. I didn't mind cleaning u up...cos i knew when i was small, you cleaned me up too. with no complains.

I was glad i did not go to JB that day. You asked me whether i wanted to go and i said no. Cos i didn't have a good feeling and cos i knew you needed me that day. True enough. You looked so weak. You managed to remind me to bring your pillow and your pink slippers that i bought for you while you were on the stretcher on the way to the ambulance.

When you were in the hospital, you seemed a bit quiet especially the last few days before you were discharged. You were quiet when you were at home too. You kept to yourself...

When you were in a&e, it seemed that you only wanted to see the your immediate family. In order of hierachy, Dad and Sis went in. Bro and I went in and then you took your last breath...

I was so much composed when i saw you in the other room...You laid on the bed and you looked as if you were sleeping...you looked so calm...you looked pretty...

I stayed by your side all the while, reciting the yassin cos i knew i won't be seeing you again. I bathed you too cos i knew that was the least and last thing i could do for you apart from the prayers.

I was happy looking at you cos you looked even prettier this time....

The only thing i am still sad about is that you won't be around for my wedding and your son's wedding.

I am having a hard time coping cos i always sleep with you and i always kiss you before i go to work. I am feeling the lost. I have lost my pillar of strength and that's you. Now, I sleep with your pillow and i sleep on your bed...i wear your clothes too...because i miss you...i will miss you a lot...You will always be in my heart and no one can ever replace you. Pls know that i love you so much and i will keep the memories i had with you for the past years close to my heart. That's for sure.

You are safe and in a better place now...I know...

Dengan iringan doa, Ati redha ibu pergi...

http://media.imeem.com/m/Gw_uUj0Zu5"> name="wmode" value="transparent">http://media.imeem.com/m/Gw_uUj0Zu5" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="300" height="110" wmode="transparent">Untukmu">http://www.imeem.com/people/c3xluP/music/AhAwxFb0/exists_untukmu_ibu/">Untukmu Ibu - Exists

dejavu

2008-09-13T11:12:00.000+08:00

referring to the last blog written...
mum was discharged from the hospital on thurs...

today and in fact an hour ago, the ambulance attendant took her to the hospital...

whatever happened to her on her birthday this yr, happened again...

she was weak and yet refused to go to the hospital....

"tak nak pegi hospital, tinggal sini aje..."

dad tried to talk to her nicely which made me cry..."Ya(that's what dad calls her) tak nak menyusahkan anak-anak kan? the rest was history...i didn't know what else he said cos i went out of the room crying...he cried too...i saw tears in his eyes...

menyusahkan? she never did and it never crossed our minds that she's a burden to us...

fever at 38.2 just now...

i'm settling the chores at home and will be going to the hospital soon...

i guess she'll be admitted again...

random...random

2008-09-12T11:53:00.000+08:00

raya is coming and i haven done anything yet for the house...i dunno when to clean the rooms..cleaning for me means throwing all the unwanted stuffs...so i really need big black plastic bags...and i am really going to throw away my stuffs...and the unwanted stuffs in the room....

now...the best thing...time...where to find time? planning to clean a room per day on weekends only....hopefully i can make it....

mummy...she's home yesterday...she's getting weaker by the day...and thinner too...when i held her hands just now, all i could feel were skin and bones only....she looks like how she was first diagnosed with cancer and that was 3 yrs ago...she lost 11 kilos in a month then. on top of all that, she has been daydreaming, staring into space thinking of...God knows...

daddy...i think he has grown thinner as well maybe due to tiredness...he's juggling the role of a house husband and taking care of the 2 granddaughters...he cooks, he goes to the market and sends his granddaughter to school. all these were done by mummy back then...apart from taking care of the granddaughters, he takes care of his wife too...making sure she eats her meals and medicine...people say that mum is lucky to have him as a husband ...and i have to agree with them... not all husbands can take over the job of a wife...

for now...i'm hanging on...

kids and random

2008-08-26T12:47:00.000+08:00

yesterday, as i was walking to the class..i saw the lights were switched on... so i assumed that my girls were in the class. when i stepped into the class, the class were so quiet and guess what...my girls were reading story books and there was not even a slightest sound from any one of them.

then i saw their homeworks on my table...neatly placed side by side...

i couldn't help it but to say...."WAAAAAAH!!! baiknya awak semua..."

they gave me a smile....

so i continued..."kalau hari2 macam ni kan bagus...saya gembira, awak pun gembira kan??"

they smiled...i smiled...

They made my day and for a moment my stress went away...

...........and now the stress

i have so much to do but i don't know where to start. i have written down on the postits just so that i won't forget the things that i have to do...

on top of all that...mum's admitted to the hospital..hours ago....i think she has grown thinner...it hurts me to see her in pain but there were times that she would hide it but i could see it on her face...

i won't be seeing her today...i hope i can tomorrow...

thoughts

2008-08-17T10:19:00.000+08:00

There are things that u just don't want to know...Cos when u hear it from someone else or maybe happen to find out(God is great), u'll get a high degree of heartache. and you start to think whether you're the cause of the things that are happening and everyone starts to take the blame....

you tried your very best to search deep within the roots only to find out that it was afterall a small matter...or maybe a tiny matter...and it got everyone involved. right up to innocent parties.

U had bad dreams...u wake up...not knowing what is in store for you everyday..waiting anxiously what is going to happen next..

U pray and pray that everything will go smoothly...cos you know you are here not to compete..just to fulfill your dreams....

jeritan sepi

2008-08-06T19:23:00.000+08:00

From today onwards, i DO NOT WANT to watch this drama. I watched the drama for the first time last week and my tears flowed like nobody's business.

I watched it again just now...i felt very sad...i am still feeling sad...i dunno why...

whenever i look at the actress, she reminds me of mum. The way she talks, the way she walks (now that mum walks slowly) and everything....

It hurts me...to see her being treated that way although it's just a story...

but i guess there are people out there who treat their parents that way...

It's a good show...but i can't bring myself to watch again....

just for the record....i love you, mum and dad....a lot...

sharing session

2008-07-25T19:42:00.000+08:00

so i went for the sharing session...last minute...

going for the sharing session and sharing are 2 different things...

like what the boss said..."Thanks to Aisah!!" hehe...

so i had to cover for Aisah...

so i shared...

was nervous but i think i managed to stay calm...i looked calm..i hope..hah..

it wasn't that bad after all...

i enjoyed myself and the most important thing...i learnt a lot from the sharing session...

it was a fruitful session altogether...

next yr pegi lagi la...

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh.................ON nampak!!

Action je....

haha!!

:)

2008-07-14T09:58:00.000+08:00

I can't wait.....

to the beach...

to Mad Jack...

to everywhere...

lalalalalalalalalalalala....

The ever loving Amad...

2008-07-06T06:20:00.000+08:00

met Amad unexpectedly. Went for an unplanned dinner. we did a lot of catching up..

starbucks..

the job hunting..

friends..

wedding..

and a lot more.

the reason why i have always loved him...

the laid back personality...and practically everything about him...

hope to meet with the rest soon...

i miss you. i miss the rest.

2 birthdays and 2 weddings

2008-06-26T10:22:00.000+08:00

Sometime in late April....

Me: My friend is getting married...She's inviting us. buuuuut....it's on your birthday...

Haf: huh? really..

Me: So how? it's your birthday and it's her wedding. Wedding is once and a lifetime...birthday...next year boleh celebrate kan? heh...

Haf: ok...we'll go...wedding more important....

Recently....

Haf: oh kau nak kahwin next year? not in 2010. so when exactly?

Muhammad: a'ah...aku nikah on 9th of May....birthday tunang aku...

Haf: ah yelah...lepas tu kau sanding on the next day...birthday aku! birthday aku this year, aku kena pegi wedding, next year pun aku kena pegi wedding...

so the moral of the story:

no moral...cuma kesian je...heheh....

good news....bad news...

2008-06-26T05:49:00.000+08:00

Good news....

Hi ...... & Norhayati
Congratulations on your confirmation.
This is the first step in your journey towards excellence.
Continue to grow and learn as you go along and in time you will be the best that you can be.

Sooooooooo.....I am confirmed.

Bad news....

1) More work

2) More and more work

3)More, more and more work

Oh...another good news...aisah is giving birth soon....real soon...

that equals to more, more , more and more work....

She won't be coming back till term 4 week 9....hmph....it's a way of her saying,"I love you, yati!"

**if she reads this...she will say, "kurang asam punya budak!"

lunch and mc

2008-06-05T06:08:00.000+08:00

Had lunch with Aisah, Anne and Mrs Logan. It was a farewell lunch for anne who is going to transfer to another school. The food was really good. The desserts were just as good. While i was eating, i felt itchy at my hand. I seriously thought that it was a mosquito bite. After the lunch, it got worst and I found out that my legs were itching too.

hands, legs and then my neck...

By then, I've already met Hafiz. He looked at my hands and my neck. Oh by this time, it has spreaded to my ears.

So he said,"Let's go to the doctor."

Me: huh? doctor?

Him: You dah macam siamang.

Me: Shut up. Dun make me angry. I'm itching all over and feeling uncomfortable.

Him: ok ok, relax...

So we went to my family clinic. One look by the doctor and she said,"Oh, that's hives."

Me: "What's that?"

Doctor: "That's a kind of allergy."

Me: " I ate seafood just now but this is my first time getting this."

Doctor: "It might be the seasoning. I'll give you a jab, it's faster"

Me: ok.

So after the lunch, what did i get?

a full stomach, an itchy body, a jab and an mc.

so mummy dabbed my body with super hot water and spreaded some agnesia powder.

ate my medicine and fell asleep.

and now i'm feeling much better cos the redness and itchiness have subsided.

Liar

2008-06-04T05:20:00.000+08:00

I dunno but i think you're a liar.

i dunno what's your motive.

I seriously think you have a problem.

Maybe you should look at yourself in the mirror and stop blaming others.

Lesson for me:

Dun judge a book by its cover.

Once Bitten, Twice Shy.

Period.

sleepy..

2008-05-21T11:14:00.000+08:00

i am super sleepy...

where are all the parents?

how much longer do i have to wait?

I am falling asleep...

real sooooooonnnn.........

our quiet moments

2008-05-19T19:46:00.000+08:00

today....our quiet moments...

thank you.

no regrets

2008-05-05T11:18:00.000+08:00

so i found out something but i don't really care...cos i dun think i have done anything to you to deserve that...so i dun care...

i'm glad i left...no regrets...not even a bit.

I have better...

being treated better...

being better taken care of...

being respected...

being pampered...

being....everything...

when i've made my decision, important decisions that is, i haven't regretted making them so far....EXCEPT FOOOOOOORR......food and shopping....hehe...I AM FICKLE on that part...

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO............

I AM HAAAAAAAAAPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAY!!!

denial....positive...

2008-04-08T10:53:00.000+08:00

I didn't cry...

i wanted to be strong...

but only God knows how much i've cried inside...

it is painful...it is hurting me deep inside...

I am in a state of denial...

or should i put it this way...

I am just being positive...

all i wanna do

2008-04-07T11:15:00.000+08:00

all i wanna do is shut myself up in my room...

i am not running away...

but i just wanna be alone...

cos i am very very sad

29 hours

2008-04-05T07:14:00.000+08:00

I started off the day as per normal yesterday morning. was really looking forward to working because i wanted to end the day fast so that i can enjoy my weekend. Furthermore, i was looking forward to celebrating mum's birthday. Started off my day quite well although i had to run up and down from the ML Room to the Staff Room and to the ML Room again. It's a form of exercise though...

Met Haf after work. Went to Toa Payoh Hub to get mum a birthday cake. I bought munchy donuts as well. Sis bought food - nasi briyani and satay.

Went home and had dinner with the whole family. Bro was working. Everyone was eating happily and that includes mum. She even had her second serving. She was smiling all the time. She also told Haf that she has been eating and eating these few days and that's a good sign.

She cut the cake i bought her. She was smiling again. I knew she was happy, having her husband, children and grandchildren with her on her birthday. She turned 54 yesterday.

All went perfectly well until she laid down on her bed and started shivering all of a sudden. She called out to me asking me to hug her. The blanket didn't do any good to her. She vomited everything that she ate. She went to the toilet cos she had a bad tummy ache. When i helped her to her room, she collapsed. Shouted for my dad. Dad was in the midst of praying. We carried her to her bed.

Her body was very warm. She refused to go to the hospital. We let her sleep. She was still shivering.

I was on the laptop when she said she wanted to go to the toilet. She stood up quickly and i was glad i was fast enough to grab her arm in case anything happens to her. Just as i grabbed her arm, she collapsed again. This time i shouted for my bro. Bro and Dad ran in and i could her their voices breaking. I cried. She dirtied the bedroom cos she could hardly stand and move. We cleaned her up in the bedroom. Wanted to carry her to the bathroom but she seemed to have a mild fits. maybe due to her body temperature. This time i couldn't help it but cry again when i looked at her state. She was weak. really weak. My heart sank deep deep down...

I gathered enough courage to get her cleaned up in the room with the help of bro and dad of cos. Ambulance was on the way at this time.

We followed her in the ambulance....

When we reached, found out that her body temp had reached 40. we waited for her to be examined.

When the doctor came to talk to us the first time, she said her blood pressure was really2 low and that she had high fever. These may dur to some infection but they were still looking for the areas infected.

we waited again...

The doctor came the secongd time.

This time, she said,"Your mum is not doing very well. Her blood pressure is still very2 low and her temp is still very high despite the antibiotics given. She might be admitted to the ICU."

I couldn't take it anymore and i broke down.

Dad tried to comfort me. He told me not to regret cos we've been taking care of her. We have done all we could.

"Kita berserah. Bukan kita tak usaha. Kalau kita tak usaha, kita semua dosa. Kalau sampai ajal dia, dia pergi jugak. Satu hari nanti kita semua balik jugak kat Allah."

i was really sad. She was looking well at one moment and the next moment she was weak.

We waited again....

Dr Phoon came and talked to us. She told us that mum had blood infection due to that line inserted at her arm. They have taken it out by then. Told us to be patient cos they were trying their best. She said, "If her condition remains the same, we'll admit her to the ICU, if not she'll be admitted to the high dependency ward."

Waited again...

She was admitted to HD ward. I was relieved a bit. When she came out of the Emergency Ward, she looked a bit better but still unstable. She had difficulties breathing. She had difficulties talking as well.

Wanted to cry again when i saw her but told myself not to. I kissed her before i left with Dad. Bro stayed with her. That was already 6 plus. this morning.

Sis fetched us. Went home and cleaned the house. it was in a mess. Sis helped. Dad helped too.

After the cleaning the house and mopping the floor, i slept. That was already 9. woke up at 10.30. I didn't sleep for a whole 24 hours and i dunno why i can't get to sleep now.

29 hours. i still can't sleep.

Anyway, Happy Birthday Mum and Get Well Soon...

Praying...........

low

2008-03-28T12:39:00.000+08:00

In less than a month, she's back there....again....

low.....blood....

and...i...am....feeling...down....

2 things

2008-03-24T06:58:00.000+08:00

I only hope for 2. I'm not hoping for the worst. I'm hoping for the best and preparing for the worst.

I have fulfilled the first one....

Another one to go - i hope that you'll be there to witness the whole occasion and the whole event...

My one and only hope...

Just this one...

the date

2008-03-24T05:40:00.000+08:00

It's been a while. I decided to go out on a date with him. just the two of us. we went to T3 to check out the place. Our main purpose was to eat at popeyes. we talked about stuffs while eating. we spent quite some time to eat cos i had to eat very slowly. we discussed about certain things. we shared about our thoughts and dreams. the day was filled with our laughter and smile.

at the end of the day....

Him: Thank you for spending your day with me and i hope you had a good day.

Me: I hope you had a good day too.

Him: Yeah I did.

"Thank you."

The 2 words that you never fail to say for everything that i have done. It means a lot to me everytime you say those 2 words to me. I feel appreciated from the first day i met you, the days that have passed till yesterday, today, hopefully tomorrow and the days to come.

Loving you...

4

2008-03-14T19:30:00.000+08:00

2 came out.

went for an x-ray.

total 4.

monday.

surgery.

I AM SCARED!!

daily diet

2008-03-12T19:46:00.000+08:00

Me: you know something?

Him: what?

Me: I think you can live without food.

Him: Why do you say so?

Me: you see... 4 things in your daily diet...

Him: What is it?

Me: 1) water
2) cigarettes
3) talk
4) sleep

Him: There's 5 actually...

Me: What is it?

Him: water, cigarettes, talk, sleep and you

sweet of him.... hugs....

hasn't been well...

2008-03-04T09:35:00.000+08:00

she hasn't been well the past few weeks....

feeling nausea...

complaining of pains....

complaining of rashes which turned blue black....

today, she's admitted again...

i'm not well either...

random...

2008-03-03T12:34:00.000+08:00

the diagnosis.... my wisdom tooth has caused ulcer and infection to my gums...it's super painful... having difficulties eating and talking....

I've been eating porridge and all those liquid stuff....i'm putting in liquid in my body and passing out liquid....and these make me weak...super weak..

i'm down with a mild sore throat and i'm sneezing and sneezing and sneezing....

my nose has turned red...

on top of all these, i'm quite happy today....

why why why?

cos one of my girl can read fluently already..alhamdullillah..the books that i've lent to her has helped her a lot.

and........

another girl....she is catching up with her reading....although she's a bit slow...but i think it's an achievement on her side...

keep it up, girls....

This is one of the best part of being in this line....

phobia

2008-02-27T09:09:00.000+08:00

this is the worst by far. my toothache. it's very painful when i eat and speak. This is super painful. it has been there for quite some time but i choose to ignore it as the pain comes and goes... it was bearable so far but today...it's unbearable...

yes, yes...to the dentist...

damn...i hate seeing a dentist..

you're too much!!

2008-02-14T11:50:00.000+08:00

if you have something against me, i would suggest you to come and and see me personally. this is not the first time. i've been keeping quiet because i dun want to ruin your relationship with him. i pity him. i really pity him. Now, it looks like you wanna ruin my relationship with him.

God has answered my prayers.

pls stop being a hypocrite.

i dun believe in that oh so sweet look already.

And if you think you wanna take him away, you can't. cos he's still ours, forever will be ours.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Nurul Sabrina aka Adik

2008-02-11T10:35:00.000+08:00

She turns two today!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ADIK!!!

of life

2008-02-05T10:45:00.000+08:00

Life is fragile. You will never know what's in store for your life tomorrow. Today you can be healthy and tomorrow might be another story. I've went through that. We went through that and still going through. Things are looking ok now. I am so glad.

A week back. he whom i didn't really know passed on. and it reminded me of someone close. They met once in the CC. They were once admitted at the same time.

I understand what the family has gone through. Cos we went through the same thing too.

I feel sad. I cried when i read your blog. I could feel the lost.

My condolences to the family. He is in a safe place now.

Semoga rohnya ditempatkan bersama orang-orang yang beriman. Amin.

another day of crankiness

2008-01-31T09:29:00.000+08:00

what's the point of asking when you have decided?

what's the point of me giving my views then?

hug and you're in big trouble....

I AM CRANKY!!!! SUPER CRANKY!!

another day of crankiness....

2008-01-31T09:11:00.000+08:00

what's the point of asking when you have decided?

what's the point of me giving my views then?

arggghhhh.....

hug and you're in big trouble....a big one...

i feel like crying......

I AM CRANKY!!!!

aku bingit lagi...

2008-01-30T11:53:00.000+08:00

sesungguhnya aku bingit lagi...

dari pagi...BINNNGGGITTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope God will show me one day that what you have been saying to me were full of shit!!!

If i'm wrong and if it's just me....i'm sorry....

apa salah aku buat pun aku tak tau....

but pls God....show me pls...

sesungguhnya....

2008-01-25T11:06:00.000+08:00

dan sesungguhnya aku bingit....

darah naik...

changes

2008-01-22T10:35:00.000+08:00

It was not a good start to the year. like i've said a lot of things happened. nothing of it i've asked for. many things have changed. since the accident. he is grumpy nowadays and i am less cranky. i understand. i do get upset sometimes but i truly understand. if i were in his shoes, maybe i wouldn't even want to go out of the house.

since the accident. we have been going public of cos. the time taken from one place to another is longer now without the bike. i'm used to it. he is trying to adapt. looking good though. no more scoldings from him cos i can sleep all i want in the bus or train. no more hitting of helmets to wake me up. hehe. i can look at him when making conversation and not look at his helmet. hee...

he has sold his bike. for good. moto dah tak serupa motor, lebih baik jual.

without the bike, he's punctual. super punctual. sometimes earlier. that's a change. wahahahah!

many things are not settled yet. i'm so so tired. i wish i could engaged someone to plan everything for me. setakat cakap yes, no, not nice, nice, i want, i dun want, i like, i dun like, etc. best kan?

penat, penat, penat.

time is passing by fast. really fast.

alhamdulillah

2008-01-13T05:35:00.000+08:00

the train ride felt so long. sent to a hospital which i was not so familiar with. so old and scary. the moment i stepped into his ward, i looked at him and smiled. he gave me a smile. all i wanted to do was hug him but i couldn't. he asked me to stand nearer to him. all i could say was ,"are you ok?" i couldn't say anything more cos i wanted to cry. seeing him in that condition made me so sad. the cuts on his face, the hand, the abrasions, the pain... at the same time, i was glad that i could still see him.

he said....

i am glad i was alone during the accident.
i am glad i can still look and talk at you.

friends visited. he was joking and making people laugh. it was supposed to be the other way round.

everytime the nurse comes in, he will ask,"when can i go home? i want to go home!"

yesterday, he was discharged. i guess the painkillers didn't work on him. he was still feeling the pain. was groaning in pain.

but i could see his determination. determination to recover.

accident

2008-01-11T11:05:00.000+08:00

was waiting for his phone call. i did received the phone call but only to hear some bad news. he was involved in an accident. my heart dropped. the ambulance attendant talked to me and said it was quite serious and heart dropped to the ground. i was so shock that i forgot to ask about the details like where it happened, to which hospital and so on so on.

informed the parents. i didn't cry. i've always considered myself as strong but apparently i am not. how strong can a person be? i didn't know about his condition. i didn't sleep well. was waiting for his call all night. he did call to update on his condition.

i was quite relieved to hear him laughing with the paramedic.

he went for an x-ray and found out that he suffered a bad fracture on his hand and had to go for a surgery.

he called in the morning. he was in pain. i cried. i couldn't take it anymore. i wish i was there.

"dun forget to eat later. dun think too much. i'll be fine."

he knows me at the back of his fingertips. knowing that i do not have the appetite to eat when i'm worried.

he said sorry. sorry cos we had to cancel our plans for the weekend.

i want to see him. badly. no updates about him so far.

i've informed some friends. the chicas so sweet. ayu sms-ed. ayul called. afah, being the kaisu one, she did both.

same question. are you ok? is he ok?

same answer. aku tak ok. emotionally. dia tak ok. physically.

sista called too.

who's to blame? no one.

it's just fated.

it's in the storyline....

a long time

2008-01-08T12:44:00.000+08:00

it has been a long time since i've updated my blog. lots and lots of things going on. and i really mean a lot. lots and lots of things to settle so i can concentrate on work. didn't have the time to even breathe. and now....back to the basic...work.

first week was ok. looking forward. the little ones. they're oh so cute. thinking positively each day.

and my little princess has started her nursery class. she was looking forward to going to school. she managed it quite well, i guess. she didn't cry. she didn't look for her mummy. and that's a good sign. very independent girl. oh yes, she's one of the tallest in class. not surprsing though. my sister took 2 days leave just to be with her for the first 2 days of school.

i dropped her off at her school before going to work. when i was walking and holding her hand, i looked at her...oh god, she has grown so much. so much.

and this morning, she went up to me and said, "umie atie, kakak nak pegi school la. ni baju kakak. umie atie gosokkan baju kakak, boleh tak?" oh so polite!!

i'm sick. really sick. having a fever.

A date with AF

2007-12-15T07:09:00.000+08:00

He looks like what he does. He's very friendly and very professional. i like his work and i like him. He's confident of his work. Very passionate about his work. One thing i like about him is his bold character. He is bold enough to say that it's difficult to get the exact same work like his from others. I like! I'm sure i'll be satisfied with his work.

BUT...

I'll think about it.

i have till June....

hate

2007-12-14T05:07:00.000+08:00

i hate to hear your name. your name makes me puke. thinking about what you have done makes me hate you even more. well, you're still doing it. no change. still the same you. same dressing. same activity. worst, same attitude. you're not a boy anymore. you're a man for goodness sake. have some mercy on those young girls, will you?

"boys just wanna have fun?" you still think you're a boy?

stop it, will you?

i am waiting for the time when someone tells me, "hey, he's married. he has changed a lot!" but most probably it won't happen cos i think you will never change.

"i would be digging my own grave if i were to go back to you." yes, those words. glad i said that.

you're much hated.

if murder is not a crime and sin, i would have killed you la!

atie, chill.

surface and barrier

2007-12-10T18:01:00.000+08:00

i am upset. with everything. i can't tackle him. either way, it'll be wrong. so what am i supposed to do? keep quiet. keep everything to myself. happy or unhappy. just keep it to myself. oh no, talk to them? will they ever understand my feelings or my thoughts? they have their own theories.

cos you only see the surface. cos you conclude from the surface. cos you judge by the surface.

happy. will i ever make you happy? will i ever make them happy?

you will never be happy. they will never be happy.

i can't even make myself feel happy.

i can't please everyone. i can't make everyone happy.

i am feeling the barrier.

and i feel like crying...

A date with Kak Rose

2007-12-08T07:02:00.000+08:00

We went to meet Kak Rose for the first time. Spent the first few hours to talk about something out of what we were supposed to talk about. The men were talking about music. Kak Rose and myself were talking about almost everything.

Thank you, Kak Rose. For being so welcoming. We felt so comfortable and so at home.

Oh ya...She's the i dunno how many persons already who said Hafiz and I look the same. "Eh, muka u dua-dua sama, macam adik beradik! cuma Hafiz the darker version and you're the fairer version!" i wonder why no one has ever said me and bro's face look the same. padahal adik-beradik.

And Dina is super cute...

Out with bestie

2007-12-08T06:44:00.000+08:00

I went out with Julie. Wanted to chill out. Holidays are the only time i can catch up things with her. Went to Tampines Mall. Had a meal. Told each other about our plans. So babe, prepare the things slowly. I understand. If possible, you wanna skip the planning. Me too. So, let's help ourselves out. Let's remind each other of the things to do, shall we? I will call you if there are things that we can do together at least we won't feel bored.

The Getaway. Pls make it happen.

I can't wait for everything to end. Damn, it has not even started yet!

@HQ with the chicas

2007-12-08T06:35:00.000+08:00

Went to Afah's place. the usual thing, we ate. sat at the dining table in the kitchen. so mak-mak. i still remember how my mum used to sit at the dining table in the kitchen with her friends. What was i doing then? well, i was playing with my friends in the living room of cos. everything was the same except for the missing children. so i can imagine the four of us sitting with the kids running around the house. ok tu part kena tunggu.

The guys came over. They made the place like their own place especially Haf. Sooner or later Afah, i guess they will be making their own drinks. Hafiz dah tau dah mana nak amik plastic bag.

so thank you for the company. There was never a day that you babes didn't make me smile.

love you chicas...

my birthday

2007-12-04T10:19:00.000+08:00

I am still touched by everything. it all started on my birthday eve. He wanted to go for karaoke. with all the waiting and waiting, i knew what he was up to. A SURPRISE! The only thing that i didn't know was who were the people who's going to give the surprise. Since it was at a karaoke place, the first person on my mind was Faizal. But but but, Faizal called from his home while i was walking towards Cashbox. so who could it be?

when i reached Cashbox, i saw them. hehe! best kan? i was so happy.

They got me a necklace with an 'A'. and that represents all of us : Atie, Ayu, Afah & Ayul.

Satu-satu melalak. yang off-key, out of tune. hentam sajalah.

Had dinner after that, Faizal came all the way down to be with all of us. i really appreciate that Faizal. Like i 've said, you are the best guy friend in my life.

That's the birthday eve! Yesterday was my birthday. so he had things planned. Brought me to eat. oh we went public! it was really nice. i got to talk to him and look at him at the same time.

After the meal, met up the chicas for a bowling session. i was forced to bowl. ceh!

Went our separate ways after that, he brought me to Haagen Daz to eat chocolate fondue- something that i've been talking about. hehe!

Amad dropped by for a while to wish me happy birthday too. so sweet of you.

sat down for a while before we made our way home. As we talked, he brought out a small box. oh god! after spending so much for the day i think, he still got me something. i was so so touched. almost cried.

Thank you so much to the man for planning my birthday over the 2 days. Thank you Faizal for doing the dirty jobs. Thank you chicas for being so cooperative with Haf. He claimed that you babes were so easy to work with. Thank you for the msgs sent by everyone. you should know who you are. i even got a birthday msg all the way from Madinah!

Many, many thanks to you, my man. Two thumbs up! I really2 appreciate it. Glad you're mine!

in no intention to compete

2007-11-22T14:39:00.000+08:00

For the past few weeks, i've been listening to all the things that i didn't want to listen. things i didn't wish to listen, simply said. you can do whatever that you wish to do. i'll handle mind and you handle yours. i do what i wish to do. you can spend all you want. once in a lifetime. i know but it does not mean you have to spend all your money right? and they said, you know, i bought this for $$$$, i bought that for $$$$$$. who the hell cares right? oh my goodness, i have to go through it all over again. i thought it's over.

status? sampai ke mana?

i would rather spend the money for something more important. serious.

our needs.

I received my first birthday present today from Aisah. ok i know it's early. Thank you. I was greeted by the present and the letter which motivated me to go through the difficult moments to come. InsyaAllah.

I am in the midst of clearing my table. It looks much better now.

For the last two mornings, my little princesses stood at the gate to see me off to work. How sweet. As i walked towards the lift, they shouted, "Bye, Umie Atie!" They are naughty...but lovable kids. When they're around, you wish they're not there cos they make you go crazy. When they're not around, you will miss them somehow. On one occasion, Nurul said this to me, " Kakak sayang Uncle Haf, Kakak tak sayang Umie Atie!" i can't help but laughed cos the way she said it was really really cute.

Results were out just now. My girl did well and she's moving on. Alhamdullillah. i was so happy for her. I had no worries for her grade in Malay cos I had so much faith in her. i was more worried on whether she is able to move on to secondary school or not. She did it! Congratulation girls for making it to the next phase of life! For us, we'll try to do even better next year. I have faith in you Aisah!

ok time to continue with my spring cleaning!!!

on a holiday mood

2007-11-19T13:39:00.000+08:00

i am on a holiday mood. since last week. practically did nothing with them. was really busy and tired with the Deepa-Raya concert. had a meet the parents session. met most of my P1 and P2's parents. i was a bit tense at first but managed it quite well. some parents brought food for me. i even got nasi lemak from one of the student's mum the next day. it was really nice of them.

planning seminar will start tomorrow till fri. i am going to clear my messy table soon. only God knows how messy my table is. i am in the mood of throwing away my things.

this dec...i shall make myself free. so i can catch up with the chicas, naz and others. i need some free time for us as well.

so when are you going to bring me for a swim? cycling? jogging?

we have been planning these activities but didn't have the time to carry it out.

soon ok?

i'm longing for some good long talk with you....

practical

2007-11-11T09:38:00.000+08:00

some of the people around me adviced me to buy the things bit by bit. so it won't be rushing. i guess so. and we agreed. we sat down and told each other what we want. we want to be practical so we're buying each other stuffs that are of use to us. azza would agree with me. kan kan kan? so let's be practical. sesiapa yang nak cakap," eh asal beli ni? asal tak beli better ones or should i say branded ones?" pegi lah mampos. the word is practical. beli mahal2 nanti tak pakai. buat pe? betul tak?

i haven met bibik. need to meet her soon.

going jb this dec again. so kakak, tolong hantar!!

azza, do you want to become my personal assistant? you're disgustingly neat and organised. i am sure you can help me. amacam?

julie, i know i can't disturb you.

my chicas?

better

2007-11-07T16:52:00.000+08:00

a lot of things to do this week. in fact, there were a lot of things to do for the past few weeks. been lacking of sleep. I've not been eating properly. No appetite. My mind is always on work. worst still, my laptop died on me. had to go haf's place to do my work. i broke down that day. He took me for a walk and made me feel better. yesterday was hell. i worked non stop. Aisah brought me food but i didn't have the time to eat. Checking on me once in a while to make sure i was ok. Aisah has been the one who's making me sane at work. Making me calm every now and then. Teaching me a lot regarding work and life. Never fail to ask me to turn to HIM if i have any difficulty. i always do. Haf never fails to ask me to do the same thing.

I met her yesterday. i was so much calm in there. everything went well. Alhamdullillah.

Thank you...

for making me strong and a much better person.

neverending

2007-11-01T15:09:00.000+08:00

i woke up this morning not feeling good. in fact, i haven't been feeling that good these few days. maybe because of the work. a lot of things on my mind. targets to meet. work review to be completed. training the girls for the concert. i wish i could leave all these behind and have some private moments with you. just the two of us. strictly no work...on my part that is. you would never bring work home. i know. i promised myself not to bring my work home but i did. i always did. it seems neverending. i'm tired. tired of thinking. tired of planning what to do next. it goes on and on. i wish i could end my day with you beside me. i know you would sing me to sleep and i know i would sleep peacefully. i wish i could start my day with you beside me cos i feel so much secure with you around. i know you would give me hugs and tell me that everything is gonna be alright. cos i know you would do anything to make me feel better. feel so much better.

i need the beach. i need those long walks with you.

1 inch

2007-10-25T13:19:00.000+08:00

sometimes in life, it seems that you do things to please other people. to meet their expectations even if you think it's ridiculous. when you try so hard to do these things for them, they still pick on you. for the smallest little thing. they taught us to be this, to be that...to do this, to do that... and the best part is that they don't even know what's going on. Would they do the same thing or would they have the same idea or maybe better ideas? They are the best in talking and writing. Sometimes i feel as if i'm here to please everybody. do things for everybody. How much can you please them? i can't please everybody. Everyday, i would look forward to meeting him. Those hugs he gives everyday make me sane.

He collected our Baju Kurung on the eve of Hari Raya. I tried it on only to find out it was loose. I went to my tailor's house to get my baju altered. The moment she saw me, she said i shrunk! i can't see for myself. True enough, she measured me again and i grew 1 inch thinner. My colleague said,"what did i do to you?" oh well. nothing. it's just me.

we are still planning. well, we are working towards a simple yet equipped with everything thingy. we already have things in mind. we only need to do some calling up. before that, i have to discuss with those important people. tired of thinking and planning.

will be meeting the primary school mates this sat. the usual thingy. something that i always look forward to. meeting my gfs and bfs. we have grown so much. some of us are married, some married with children, many engaged and mostly attached. see ya all this sat.

i went to my sister's place on the 2nd day of raya. with haf. i broke the record this year. wahahaha! so my sister's msg of "tak tau nak datang rumah kakak untuk hari raya. nak kena jemput baru datang ke?" would be missed. kakak aku pun boleh save sms. thanks to the milk bottles. it saved my life.

so i'm going to make myself feel sane again. at least for the next few hours.

hugz

ramadhan...syawal...

2007-10-11T15:26:00.000+08:00

I've done all my shopping. I finally got my shoes. It was hell of a search. Not many nice shoes to choose from.

Last weekend, we went to JB to finish up our shopping. we spent about 12 hours there. Left Singapore at 12 and reached back home at almost 1am. it was really tiring. Abg Naz let me drive to Simpang Renggam. It was far and tiring. well, i prefer to sit at the passenger seat and sleep. heheh. We got our cakes and kuihs there. flowers for mum and a book for myself. wahahaha.

I've been lying undercover with the book just before i sleep. it's therapeutic. it's one of the ways for me to de-stress everyday. work is piling up. PSLE marking is next week. one week of holidays for the girls and one week less for revision.

my house is in a mess. total mess. i haven started with anything yet except for painting my bedroom door. my mum has been bugging me to paint the bedroom door so that it'll be of the same coloutr with the kitchen cabinet. it's sooooooo my mum! everything has to be in the same colour coordination. I've cleaned my wardrobe. threw away some of my clothes. tonight, i'll be hanging the curtains in the rooms. tomorrow, i'll continue...the living room and the kitchen.

time flies. one day left. if everything goes well for me, that means i'll be fasting for one month, if you know what i mean. That goes to show that i am super stress. very stress.

now, i just feel like lying in bed and rest.

i'm exhausted.

i'm draining...

jb trip

2007-10-01T11:32:00.000+08:00

went to jb yesterday. went shopping for hari raya stuffs. it was first time for haf to shop for hari raya stuffs. we managed to get good stuffs at a cheaper price. good company. good food. good price. happy people.

next sunday shall we?

all smiles...

Happy Childrens' Day

2007-09-28T14:49:00.000+08:00

The presents were given out yesterday.

i was afraid i couldn't meet them up today.

check out the prezzies that i got for them.

my P4s- the pretty girls.

my P2s- the talkative, mentel and pampered ones

my P1s- the lovely ones

spot them? STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE!!! my theme for the year.

i hope you lovely girls love the prezzies.

Happy Childrens' Day!!!

my weekend

2007-09-25T16:58:00.000+08:00

Let's just start with Fri. Met up with the babes and partners. short of one though. The food was good and thanks to ayu & fi for suggesting the place and nurul & amin for booking the place. It was fun, chit chatting with them especially after a tiring week at work. We decided to go to geylang. Hafiz was cursing when he was pushed and i was feeling super hot. it was super crowded. Both of us were glad that we have settled on our baju. we wouldn't want to go through the crowd to find it. Thank god. i really2 enjoyed myself. thank you babes and partners. maybe one day we can go for a picnic or something. maybe movie. maybe some other things. afah, you must make it this time.

it's part of our event every year to meet up once during ramadhan. the primary school mates. so saturday was the day. company was good. so we planned for hari raya outing this year. 27th October. confirmed. best best!

rest and relax on sunday. went for tuition. haf fetched me and we went to his house. i practically did nothing. we watched horror dvds. it was really great. wanted to help out his mum but his mum kept on asking me to rest. "atie, pegi rehat. atie, pegi rehat." i did help out a bit though but she still came back to me and said, "takpe atie, cik boleh buat." stressed.

apart from having my family with me, i'm so blessed to have all of you in my life.

designed or picture quality?

2007-09-10T12:31:00.000+08:00

i've been wanting to get a new digi cam. so went to a few shops to survey yesterday. olympus, sony, casio, canon, nikon? which one is good? I was attracted to Sony Cybershot T20 but wasn't sure. we decided to call our friends who are good in cameras. well, for me the best person is of course iswandi. i called him and of all brands, he recommended Fuji F31. He said it's out of stock at the moment cos a new model came out. He told me of its features. He told me that it's good for taking photos at night.

Sony or Fuji?

So we checked Fuji out? We found one at Harvey Norman. Being Hafiz, he just loves to ask. so he asked and asked about the 2 cameras. "If you want design, get sony but if you want quality, get fuji."

We thought about it, since Iswandi recommended Fuji and i trust him, we decided to get Fuji.

we got a few free gifts which i think it was worth it... Thanks to Hafiz for that good talk.

Iswandi taught me how to use certain features...it was great. i am so happy with the buy!

The first pic taken by John, the manager of Harvey Norman.

These photos were taken in an auto mode without flash. The place was dark. I could see the sky, I could see the sky!! See what i mean? Iswandi, thank you!
I so love the camera!

2007-09-08T11:55:00.000+08:00

i'm still sick. since wednesday. met the chicas though since i haven't met them for quite sometime. afah wasn't there. we did some catching up on the latest things that happened to us and others as well. babes, the next time we meet up, i suggest we just sit and talk. strictly no walking, if you know what i mean. miss ya babes a lot. really.

the presence of Amin and Haf...ermmm...i've got nothing to say except laugh...

lawak antarabangsa...it was really funny...

babes, we should do this more often...how about every holiday at least? afah, afah, pls make it k?

great times

2007-09-03T11:02:00.000+08:00

we went for a double date last fri. sis, abg naz, haf and me! their girls? the girls were at my place with their grandparents. watched 1408. it was ok but kinda confusing. then went for supper at Jalan Kayu.

I got a Teachers' Day prezzie from the man. As the man has a serious problem with his time management, well, ermmmm.... he got some scoldings from me for being LATE!! He reached my place with the present and wished me HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY! i was surprised. so much for getting scolded. sorry and thank you. i really2 appreciate it. anyway....he got me this...

and he rented a car for me...

He's the one who always bring me around. So it was my turn to bring him around. So he turned on the music loudly and sang his heart out and of cos trying to irritate me with the dumbo while i was driving. Being vain, what else can he do?

of cos taking pictures of himself...this is one of them...

i drove his mum and grandmum to the cemetery yesterday before going to a wedding. it's been a while they went to visit. me being the driver and haf being the grass-cutter and the one in charge of saying the prayers. i love listening to your singing and i love listening to you saying the prayers. in my heart, i smiled.

Thank you for everything baby...

glad

2007-08-31T18:03:00.000+08:00

Some people just don't change, won't change or can't change even. promises they can't keep. from then till now. who cares anyway... i'm glad i'm out of it. away from it. promises are still promises anyway.

To all the educators out there,

HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY!!

*Afah, Ayu, Ayul...wanna meet up next week?

The Sound of Music

2007-08-26T18:00:00.000+08:00

Music touches everyone in different ways.
My all time favourite movie.
One day, i'll do just that for my children. Sing for them like i always do with Nurul.

sharing

2007-08-19T11:41:00.000+08:00

The best part of attending courses is that you will be able to meet your "kawan-kawan seperjuangan". yesterday, i did. it was the sharing of good teaching practices by schools organised by W3 cluster. it was good.

met up my man. bought a cake for his mum and went home. surprised her. She was touched that she cried. She's missing her son. i guess everyone is.

Happy 53rd birthday!

blessed with everything

2007-08-14T17:56:00.000+08:00

That day, on the eve of National Day, we had a staff retreat. We started with lunch at Kintamani Indonesian Restaurant at Furama Riverfront Hotel. We were dressed in 3/4 pants and some even in shorts. Food was good. Off to Sentosa we went. We had a so called amazing race. It was tiring yet informative. If not for the race, i wouldn't have known that Mount Imbiah is 131m above the sea level. Seriously, i had a good walk and run after a long long long long time. By the end of the day, i was half dead. serious.

That was on the eve of ND. I had another long walk with him on ND. I wanted to walk. So we decided to walk from Liat to Plaza Singapura and back to Liat. We'll just pop in any shops whenever we feel like it. I didn't feel tired at all walking with him by my side. With all the jokes and laughter, all the tiredness somehow went away.

Friday was a holiday. I had my driving test that day. All set but was a little scared. Drove quite smooth during the warm-up but as usual i was thinking i might screw up in front of the tester. So i drove... and the tester didn't test me for the u-turn...asked to go back to the school. I was so sure i didn't make it again. Alhamdulillah, i passed! i was so happy. First person to know was of cos my man! Well, he was the one who was supporting me all the time - booking of lessons, calling the private instructor, running errands for me and all.

I called him and the conversation went like this...

Atie: Hi, I finished my test.
Haf: So how?
Atie: I did not make it. (sounded very sad)
Haf: (Kept quiet)
Atie: I sekarang tgh duduk
Haf: U duduk kat mana ni? tgh buat ape? (sounded very concern)
Atie: Oh, I tgh duduk, tgh tunggu nak tgk video.
Haf: (Kept quiet)...(after a while, maybe after the info got digested in his mind) Kurang ajar! u passed!!!

And we both laughed...

After so long....finally i got my license...

Last sat, my man and I went to Seoul Garden. He has never been there so i brought him there. It's so nice to see him eat...i love looking at him when he's eating...like a kid eating so innocently.

Aisah, my primary schoolmate, got married last Sunday. She looked beautiful and the day was even more beautiful when we, the primary schoolmates, gathered. Most of us have our own careers. Some married with children, some engaged, some attached and some still single. each one of us has grown so beautifully...we have grown so much...from a little innocent kid to adults. Time flies. It was great seeing each one of them although not all were there.

We planned to hang out together after the wedding. Decided to go for karaoke. It was really2 fun. Listening to each of us croaking. I didn't know singing makes you hungry. We were all hungry. Went to Jalan Kayu. Lost our way. i mean me and haf. Thanks Afah for the directions. The chats were good. After a topic to another... It was really really fun.

Thanks guys...

I think we should do this more often. right guys?? hopefully...

And you, i will always enjoy your company... thank you...

never been better...

sweet things

2007-08-06T13:23:00.000+08:00

it was really really sweet... can't stop thinking about it...

thank you for the time and attention.

so much in love....

his passion

2007-07-31T14:30:00.000+08:00

i love looking at guys playing the guitar. not just normal strumming but those who can really really play the guitar, if you know what i mean.. i find them sexy..

that day...he played the guitar..

i already find him sexy... and i think he's sexier when he played the guitar...wahahahah!

i am so in love...

they said...

2007-07-28T16:28:00.000+08:00

i don't know whether this is true or not...

but they said if a couple looks alike, there's a high chance that they'll be together..

together as in they will end up in marriage...

if they don't look alike, does that mean they won't end up together?

i really don't know..

apa-apa pun...kalau dah jodoh tak ke mana, ye tak? (with ayu's tone)

so i managed to watch 'Alone' yesterday. (afah, i hope i have my punctuation right!)
the sound effect scared the shit out of me. it was an unexpected ending. i'll give a 6.5 out of 10.

after a long time

2007-07-27T15:11:00.000+08:00

met up with mie and lala last saturday... been a while...
had lunch cum dinner... did some catching up of cos...
the initial plan was to go for a coffee presentation..mie had to attend it. so i thought of bringing haf there cos he has never been to a coffee presentation...but..

changed of plans...

mie and lala still went for the coffee presentation...

me and hafiz?

hehe...we bought tickets foooooorrrrrr.......

A CABLE CAR RIDE!!!

got it for much much cheaper....because of....

CDANS Card!! hee...

soooo...met up with them again..
went for the cable car ride...
well, well, well....it was my very first time...

and seriously i was scared especially when i started recalling about the accident happened years ago...

i went to catch Harry Potter last sunday...
i liked it!
in fact, i like all the series...very interesting...

so i'm thinking of catching another movie today...

ALOOOONNNEEE.....A horror movie....

our childhood dreams

2007-07-21T12:19:00.000+08:00

It was a mere talk. we were still small then. we didn't even know whether it's gonna happen or not. whether we are going to fulfill our promises.

we promised to be there for each other, during our engagement and marriage. we promised that we will buy a house next to each other when we are married. i still remember, the promises were made when we were in primary school.

now, more than a decade has passed. we still hold on to our promises. we were there for each other's engagement. next will be marriage. InsyaAllah...

Hopefully, we'll stay strong, overcoming the obstacles in this phase of our lives.

*entry inspired by Julie's blog.

Finally!!

2007-07-21T11:27:00.000+08:00

the lectures, tutorials, assignments, presentations and exams. the food, the flight of staircase, 199, the morning classes...and you girls.

i don't think anyone would forget this. it's the best period of time in our teaching life. i think. with the people around you, supporting each other, we still managed to complete our sastera essay. the killer essay. agree, agree, agree?

Finally, we have graduated.

these girls. will miss them a lot. studying, gossipping, cooking(afah will do the job), eating and erm...sleeping... ok i still owe you girls a meet up. soon k? afah, kau drive acam? kita jalan2!!!

Wouldn't have made it if not for the both of them of cos. Thank you. Love you both.

Haf. i wouldn't have made it too if he didn't understand what i went through. helping me out in my lessons. pasting, cutting and drawing.

it's a double happy occasion to celebrate. i'm so happy. even if it's temporary, i'm still happy. thank you.

A full-fledged teacher. with more responsibilities to fulfill. Hope that this journey will be a wonderful one. InsyaAllah..

070707

2007-07-08T23:30:00.000+08:00

07.07.07 will be one of the dates to be remembered and marked on the calendar. mine and yours of cos.

I would like to thank my family and relatives for the time and effort spent to make it a success.

To Ayu,
Thanks for the make up and hairdo. It was a great job. Some thought it was a mak andam's work.

To June(future sis-in-law),
Thanks for the gubahan. Thanks for the last minute touch up for all the gubahans. Thanks for putting aside time to attend my engagement and of cos rushing to the hospital to accompany my bro.

To Julie,
Thank you for coming and witnessing everything. We have moved on to another phase of life. Happy to see both of us happy...love you...

To Afah,
Thank you for the cake...wording atas cake tu kan touching beb...takde org buat punya...

To Naz,
Thank you for the surprise...ermm...and sorrrryyy.... but i got to eat the cupcakes....really...thank you...dun be upset k?

To friends,
Thanks for your well wishes...sorry didn't invite you people but i sure will for my wedding, insyallah...

To you,
Thanks...I am happy...never been better..

fifi's 21st birthday cum farewell

2007-07-01T20:56:00.000+08:00

Happy 21st birthday fifi...

wish you all the best in your studies...

Don't forget us here...

happiness

2007-06-24T23:43:00.000+08:00

i am happy...

thank you..

random updates

2007-06-11T09:52:00.000+08:00

mum was discharged last week. it will be the last transplant that she has go through. from now onwards, she'll be on a long term medication. she's losing her hair again due to the chemo. was told that she won't be losing hair as the chemo was a moderate one. it's alright though as long as she's healthy.

sent mum to the cancer centre for her regular check up last friday. i had a great feeling back at home that i will meet someone i know at the cancer centre. true enough, i met them. alhamdulillah, everything went quite smooth for both our families. Like she said, "used to it." Yes, the corrrect phrase. somehow we are used to seeing the state that they are in. emotionally unstable for all of us at the start but as time passes by, all of us got used to it. life has to continue after all. thank you. we'll pray together and insyaAllah they will go through it smoothly.

i cried so much last friday. was really2 disappointed. i have no say in anything. so sick of it. was upset with everyone. the sadness was overwhelming that it affected me for a few days. i felt better after the talk with you. thank you. thank you for understanding. thank you for being there. i am so much composed now.

i passed. better than i expected. i have officially graduated from NIE. Alhamdullillah.

so atie's a full-fledged teacher. an all female environment. i so hate it. malay dept is ok. what do you expect when there are only 2 malay teachers? we are the poison and we are the antidotes. courses and workshops coming up due to the change of syllabus. deepa-raya concert and whatnot. timetable is hectic...but complemented with a small number of students. the pros and cons of teaching in a neighbourhood and mission school. it's an experience i would say. "Experience is the most effective teacher"

both of us love music. both of us love the performing arts. so we decided to go for the Aseanapol in Harmony by the Police Band from the Asean countries. wanted to relive the moments when i was in the military band and at the same time wanting to watch haf's bro performed but sadly, he didn't perform. he became the stage crew instead. it was a great performance altogether. so what's the next one? a musical?

meeting up with my girlfriends this week. Azza, our JB trip tomorrow. i want some updates. who is C, P, U, K, Z and whatnot? Julie, movie date and maybe a gossip session. what's the cheeky, cheesy thing that you wanna tell me? so exciting! Naz, waiting for you to come back from Brisbane. Drive me around k?

let me just end this entry with this....

i may be quiet
But i have eyes and ears
i see, i look, i watch, i observe
And i listen

3 words

2007-06-02T09:25:00.000+08:00

just 3 words...

I AM DISAPPOINTED!

sigh

2007-05-29T15:52:00.000+08:00

i dunno what to do. i dunno what else to say. i dunno what he wants. no answer. i can't talk to him. i have no connection with him at all...

pls tell me what to do...

pls tell me what to say...

again

2007-05-23T10:44:00.000+08:00

i walked along the same building. i've always hated the walk and i've always hated the smell. i couldn't remember when was the last time i was there. and there she was, lying down on the bed, waiting for us. hoping that someone would come to accompany her. you could see her smile when we opened the door...

and you felt better altogether...

Specially to my CT, Naz

2007-05-11T13:07:00.000+08:00

Thank you for everything. For the ideas and suggestions. For correcting my wrongdoings. For giving me constructive feedback so that i will become a better teacher. Always reminding me to cover my own ass. As the days and weeks went by, a friendship was established. I got to know you, personally. And yeah, you are a great person to be with. Many ideas, very creative. Thank you for you know what.

I woke up this morning and found out that it was raining. Yeah, you were right, it's crying for us. I was hoping to come back but was a bit disappointed. Thank you for the collage. It was well done and i am really2 touched. I cried and you saw. I told you i was sad. I am still sad. sad to leave. i think there's something missing in the picture. Your picture! You should have included your picture in it. I will proudly bring it and put it up at my working area in Paya Lebar Methodist.

Next Monday, i bet you will miss my presence. in fact you're missing me already cos i am. No more talking and laughing loudly. No more chatting on msn while sitting side by side. No more...

I will remember you.
The one who trained me.
A wonderful friend.
Thank you CT for everything. Thank you, my friend.
Do keep in touch. Mesti tau!

Later, kita makan rojak k?

p.s: This entry is in pink cos i know that you love pink.

way looonnnggg overdued...

2007-05-03T09:51:00.000+08:00

due to practicum, personal moments with loved ones and friends being neglected. but still, that does not mean that i forget the important dates in the calender. we, girlfriends, met up on labour day. it's labour day and we're supposed to rest or at least not talk about work but we did! it was more of sharing our experiences and the unforgettable moments when our supervisor came.

we had a small overdued birthday celebration for the April babies. ayu and ayul.

we sat down, had lunch and had our sharing moments....

you know...friends complete my life...

you, girlfriends complete my life.

love you girlfriends....

that moment...

2007-04-30T09:50:00.000+08:00

looking at the same direction...

working towards the same direction...

i am waiting for that moment to come...

:)

appreciate

2007-04-24T09:24:00.000+08:00

You wake up to a great morning only to find that everything is lost. Your loved ones, your life. it's heartbreaking. it only takes a minute and *poof*! you are lost in the middle of nowhere. you have all the beautiful things this moment and the next moment you lose it. then you realised that you haven't been appreciating those beautiful things you once had. you sit in the corner crying. regretting. because you didn't do enuff. and you wish you could turn back time but it is too late...

alhamdullillah...

2007-04-23T11:27:00.000+08:00

with perseverance, prayers and patience, i believe you'll get what you want. so congratulations on getting that job...

sooooo....PSA! Here he comes!!

work hard baby...

cranki-ness

2007-04-18T12:41:00.000+08:00

the man has been complaining about me being cranky these past few days. see what work has done to me? or maybe the time of month is coming...hee...

true enough... i think i have snapped over small little things, got irritated by little things and all.

he said that day...
"Can you stop being cranky?"

sorry...i'm just tired...mentally and physically drained. lack of sleep....

and today, i'm suffering pains at my back... i did a thing that i don't do at all during lesson which was 'sit'. yeah, it was painful that i sat down for a while during lesson.

and yeah...i think i'll be back here permanent...

unplanned

2007-04-16T13:51:00.000+08:00

as usual, every sunday, you can always find me and the man at starbucks... him...looking for jobs and me...lesson planning or even marking...like i said, weekdays work, weekends work...

yesterday was a bit different... it was one of my gf's birthday...found out that she's going out alone...alah...tak bestnyer...so meh ayu, join kiter!! which she did... hah...we had some counselling sessions? oh no no, sharing sessions... about everything...

this is a snapshot of the session...

So ayu....Happy 24th Birthday!! Hope that you felt better with the two of us around...

tapi apa2 pun, tak se-better the surprise kan kan kan?!!

updates

2007-04-13T12:59:00.000+08:00

The man went for an interview with PSA. i'm praying, hoping that you'll get the job. Insyallah..Annnyywaaayyyyy.....you looked really good in your black shirt and pants! i like!

supervisor's observations done! everything went well! Dr Mukhlis made me so panic till my CT said,"Asal you panic ni?" Of cos i'll panic. He told me 20 min in advance that he's observing my class. Class was at 8am. so do the math. he smsed at 7.40am. everything is settled now except for CT and Principal's observations.

The weekend with our families

2007-04-08T10:34:00.000+08:00

Had a long weekend. Haf and I had it planned out. His bibiks rented a chalet for the long weekend. so he spent the first night there. Brought me to join in the BBQ on fri night. i mingled around with most of his bibiks. and as usual i did my share of complaining...hee.. it was fun. i spent most of the time laughing. his family was welcoming. i was stuffed with quite a lot of food and now i'm down with a bad sore throat.

mum's birthday fell on last wed. she didn't remember her birthday. so we, siblings, planned to give her a surprise yesterday. bro told mum and dad that he would be buying food for dinner. so mum started asking me, what's the occasion? i said i didn't know. sis was in charged of buying satay and i bought the cake. the family was complete. mum, dad, sis's family, bro & fiancee and me & haf. had quite a lot of food especially haf, he was the last one to finish eating. and who entertained him? my mum! She sat at the dining table and waited for haf to finish his food. i would have fallen asleep by then.

Haf entertained the 2 kids as well. hmmm...they were quite comfortable with haf...ermm..i would say very comfortable. he even put diyanah to bed.

and there you go... hee...

and this morning...diyanah woke up looking for haf.

Diyanah: Ibu, uncle where?

Ibu: Uncle dah balik.

Diyanah: Uncle dah balik...

(ran towards me)

Diyanah: Umie Atie, uncle dah balik...

Me: ya, we'll meet uncle some other time ok?

Diyanah: ok..

pity Diyanah...

i tot i have a way with kids...i didn't know you have a way with kids too...

hee...

i'm happy with everything..

thank you..

annnddd back to work...

an experience that i really hated

2007-03-31T09:16:00.000+08:00

giving a handshake seems so difficult for some people. let alone smile and a simple hi. what's so difficult with putting out your right hand and give a good handshake to the people around you. i believe a handshake can do a lot of things. a friendship starts with a handshake. maybe for some, a simple hi and a smile would do the job.

the way you shake hands with another person shows your sincerity. if you give a handshake for the sake of giving a handshake, hug for the sake of hugging, i think you better stop all that. no use doing certain things without any sincerity. just like a hypocrite.

a quiet person? a snobbish and proud person? there's a difference between these 2 people.

Cikgu Aliman Hassan once said, "apabila awak bersalaman dengan orang lain, hulurkan tangan kanan, salam dan tarik ke dada. ini menunjukkan ketulusan dan keikhlasan."

see how cultured malays are. a lot of our culture are not put into practice. the modern world has taken into us and we tend to forget all these things. i heard of malays who proudly said "i'm not good in my malay, i prefer speaking in english." i was disgusted. i was wondering why can't one be equally good in both? what is going to happen to Bahasa Melayu one day? pupus dimakan usia? My lecturers are a good bunch of examples. They can speak in malay and english very2 well. my friends, they are equally good in both. my bf, he is equally good in both too. i am so proud of you people.

let's do some reflection...

"siapa lagi kalau bukan orang Melayu yang mempertahankan Bahasa Melayu?"

a dream that continued...

2007-03-26T16:27:00.000+08:00

2 nights ago, i dreamt that i was walking home with him. the neighbourhood looked a lil bit different. a mixture of the old concept and the upgraded concept. as i was walking with him, i saw a lot of dogs wandering around my neighbourhood. it looked as if they were guarding the area. i saw 2 men there too. i dunno what happened after that.

last night, i dreamt that i was walking home with him again. this time we were from another side. in order to reach my block, i had to walk across the same area where i saw the dogs in my last dream. as we were walking, we saw the dogs wandering around the area. some were lying down. it looked as if it was their hang-out place. a dog that didn't look fierce at all came attacking me. i took a bottle and hit it. i didn't know where i got that much strength to hit it and it died. by that time, the dogs were looking at us. i saw a car, talked to the driver about what we encountered and the driver let me in. Haf didn't follow me in and i didn't know why. there was another car which was in the area as well. the driver was calling out to him to get in the car cos the dogs were already running after him. when he reached the car, he couldn't get in the car cos he was surrounded by the dogs. the driver of the car that i was in drove to the other side of the carpark. i didn't see haf at all. i asked the driver to move the car to the front. to my surprise, haf was lying flat on the ground. the dogs were eating up his flesh. what was i feeling? it was a sure heartbreaking moment to see a loved one in that state. i still can't get over the dream.
i know it's just a dream but it's weird.

i told haf about it right after i woke up from the dream.

Haf: i was lifeless and nothing happened to you?
Me: ya, i was ok.
Haf: it's ok then as long as nothing happened to you.

i wanted to cry. i cried actually. it felt so real.

Haf made me feel better by saying, "mimpi tu permainan tidur". at the same time, my mind was telling me, "mimpi tu pun satu petanda".

last month, i dreamt that a cat was playing with my feet.
what's with these animals??
i know i'm now on the topic, "Haiwan" but can you "haiwan" pls stop haunting me?

with much love

2007-03-25T21:32:00.000+08:00

with much love,

haf and atie

i am drained

2007-03-23T09:09:00.000+08:00

it's always work...
morning work...
meet him, work..
weekend, work...

i am totally drained...

i need some quality time with him...
to rest,
to relax,
to take a breather...
cos i know i'm going to breakdown...
soon...

lost and found

2007-03-19T10:45:00.000+08:00

misunderstandings will only make the bond stronger only if both parties are willing to talk it out and solve it. either party will get hurt or in certain instances, both may get hurt. you cannot run away from misunderstandings.

i was lost and found. lost and found. lost and found. you guided me and protected me. protected me from everything that came my way. right to shoo-ing the cat away from me. i feel safe. i feel protected whenever i'm with you. i know i dun have to worry. i know i am in good hands. in really good hands.

i can't wait to see you later. :)

something to share

2007-03-15T12:13:00.000+08:00

A young lady was waiting for her flight in the boarding room of a big airport. As she would need to wait many hours, she decided to buy a book to spend her time. She also bought a packet of cookies.

She sat down in an armchair, in the VIP room of the airport, to rest and read in peace. Beside the armchair where the packet of cookies lay, a man sat down in the next seat, opened his magazine and started reading. When she took out the first cookie, the man took one also. She felt irritated but said nothing. She just thought: "What a nerve! If I was in the mood I would punch him daring!" For each cookie she took, the man took one too. This was infuriating her but she didn't want to cause a scene. When only one cookie remained, she thought: "ah... What this abusive man do now?" Then, the man, taking the last cookie, divided it into half, giving her one half. Ah! That was too much! She was much too angry now! In a huff, she took her book, her things and stormed to the boarding place.

When she sat down in her seat, inside the plane, she looked into her purse to take her eyeglasses, and, to her surprise, her packet of cookies was there, untouched, unopened! She felt so ashamed!! She realized that she was wrong...She had forgotten that her cookies were kept in her purse. The man had divided his cookies with her, without feeling angered or bitter...while she had been very angry, thinking that she was dividing her cookies with him. And now there was no chance to explain herself...nor to apologize.

There are 4 things that you cannot recover.
The stone....after the throw!
The word....after it's said!
The occasion....after the loss!
The time....after it's gone!